|Basic InformationMore InformationLatest NewsQuestions and Answers|BipolarShould I Put up With Abuse And Morbid Jealousy?I Can't control my Mind Anymore, do I Need to Leave?Multiple Sex Abuse as a ChildSexual Abuse, What Should I do Now?Abusive Adult ChildStep-Daughter is Deliberately AbusiveSelf Hate Why Do I like Being Abused?How To Get Over It?Does My Boyfriend Have a Personality Disorder?Do I Suffer From Depression?I Am Wondering What Could be Wrong With Me?Personality Disorder Symptoms??Past Following me For the WorseDelusional JealousyAlcohol and ChangeSecond MarriageHow Can I Move Past This- A Question for StaffThe Marriage Corner: How Can I Move Past This?I am Only 26 Years OldI Feel Like a Complete Waste of a Human LifeBipolar Disorder and False and Displaced Memories?Is There Any Hope For Me, or am I Destined to be Damaged?Extreme BehaviorHow to Convince my Wife to Seek HelpI Just Feel So Depressed Should I Fight For My Marriage?Insecure DangerHe Says I'm Ignorant , Being a MoronPOCDParent Abuse and My Resulting Disorders?Will my Boyfriend Eventually Hit me?Is He a Narcissist?Can This Ever Change??Need AdviceDaughter In Abusive MarriageI Think My Husband Hates MeHelp!!!Will He Hit Me Eventually? My Fiance May Have a Sexual, Nude Photo AddictionIs This Abuse and What Should I Do?Please Help Me!How To Help My SonWorthlessI Want To Die!I Was Living Two Lives. Controlling Husband Who Cheated Several TimesDo I Have Bipolar Disorder?Afraid of Breaking Family ApartIs Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Curable? Delusional and Morbid Jealousy?I Don't Know Anymore. Please Help.Insane JealousyAm I In Danger?Sexual Abuse and Its Effects on Relationships AfterwardsSociopath or Sociopath-like Product of My Environment?Is She Mentally Ill?Narcissistic StepfatherWill the abuse still continue?AngerSexual issues with husbandHelpShould I Switch Therapists? Sara, Nov. 4, 2008Did I push them too much?Violent/murderous sexual fantasiesIs it my fault that I was sexually abused? Did it make me gay?I am really worried about my mental health (19yr old female)Is It Abuse? - Erin - Jun 24th, 2008My boss asked me about my sex life and im only 16.. please read!Abusive Relationshipabuse survivorI believe my husband sexually abused my daughter and is at risk for doing the same to my grandchildren. What should I do now?Why do I beat myself up over what they think?Is it my fault if my family falls apart after he cheats?Living with boyfriend - Am I dealing with one person or two?This guy I bullyCan he be changed?Münchhausen Disorder 'biproxy' (by Proxy)I get paralysed and cant do anythingHow do I keep my conduct disordered step-son from molesting my children?Rape victim who cuts and engages in BDSM to self-punish asks, 'Why am I like this?'cycle of abuse, but no apologiesFeel like I'm trappedFather is abusing and controlling my motherHow can I change my life?how to overcome sexual abuseviolent brotherSelf esteemHow to help a loved one who sees no problemHealthy sexuality not instinctual for me after abusive situationsi don't know if this is abuseafter verbal abuse19 year old daughter in abusive relationshipForgotten or just ignored?Domestic ViolenceIs this Schizophrenia?How to Deal with the Loss of Familyabout my childhood and why I am like this, but what can I do to changeDid I Love my husband and still abuse him emotionallyWhat is wrong with me?What Would This Be?A Request for HelpAdult ChildrenIs there a difference between abuse and trauma?Regret my decision every single dayHe has hit me on a few occasions ...Need to find a reason for the abuseI'm a cutter and can't remember anythingHow Does Childhood Abuse Influence Adulthood?Abusive Older SisterAbusive MotherKilling Myself In His KitchenFear Of Remembering ThingsViolent SisterAbuse Warning SignsBest Way To Deal With Verbal AbuseMy RoommateA Mean, Verbally Abusive WomanConfused While Leaving An Abusive RelationshipPossibly Molested DaughterStill SufferingAbusive FatherWhat Abuse Looks Like #2Are Battered Women Mentally Ill?Recognizing Verbal AbuseDissociates When IntimateAre Bipolars Abusive?Daughter's Violent MarriageDefinition Of Being BeatenThe Aftermath of AbuseThe Goal of TherapyHaunted College StudentToxic ParentsAbused WifeAbuse and TraumaNo Desire For Sex 1Mental AbuseLow Self-EsteemIntimacy IssuesAbusive GirlfriendEmotionally Abusive Marriage: What To Do?False PromisesAn Angry HusbandCarol-Ann writes:Laura writes:Links
Controlling Husband Who Cheated Several Times
Hi Dr. Schwartz,
I am 40 years old and married with 3 young children, aged 8 to 2. I am in a different race marriage. He is from Africa whilst I am from Asia. We have been together for 12 years now. Both of us are living in Europe. He is very controlling and used to violence. I have tried to leave him many times but I end up going back to him as I dont have any family or friends here. He has been having a series of affairs with older women. Whenever he is caught he tells me that he is only using these women to get money. I believe they do give him money and lavish him with gifts.
He always says that he loves me and the kids and he will kill me if he ever finds out I have an affair or leave him. He also believes in corporal punishment on the kids. My first and second daughters are scared of him all the time. I know deep down in me that I cannot live with him anymore but I am too scared to leave him.
We have separate bedrooms but I would say that our sex life is never an issue. He said that his late father did not share a room with his mom as well so he is used to it. I felt so stupid as I was typing this letter to you because I already know what is the answer. I shouldn't let this man walk all over me. I am very depressed and I feel so bad towards the kids for not being able to protect them from him.
Am I the problem here or him? I am so confused now. Please help. I can't talk to my family back home because I am ashamed.
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.