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Am I Always Going to Feel Like This?
For the last 3 years I have been treated for Bipolar Depression but I still feel deeply depressed. I feel stuck and feel like I am faking it. I am not happy and do not feel that I will ever be happy. There was a time I felt happy but even then my life was up and down and now it is always down.
I work part time in a job I really hate and have come to despise it. The job is in housekeeping. I have recently quit drinking and smoking pot. That was over 3 months ago. I go to AA to be around people and to work the program but nothing seems to help. I hate my life and what I have become. I feel like an empty and shallow woman. People don't really want to hear how bad I feel, and I am tired of talking about it. So mostly I just keep my mouth shut.
My doctor increased one of my meds. Which I do take quite a few medications for my illness. I am tired of taking pills that doesn't seem to really help. I am tired of being a guinea pig for the meds. Now I have a hard time getting to sleep at night and the sleeping meds do not work.
I just feel like a flat human being wasting space. I just don't think I will ever be happy. I am tired of trying. What can I actually do? Am I always going to feel like this?
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