|Basic InformationMore InformationLatest NewsQuestions and Answers|BipolarShould I Put up With Abuse And Morbid Jealousy?I Can't control my Mind Anymore, do I Need to Leave?Multiple Sex Abuse as a ChildSexual Abuse, What Should I do Now?Abusive Adult ChildStep-Daughter is Deliberately AbusiveSelf Hate Why Do I like Being Abused?How To Get Over It?Does My Boyfriend Have a Personality Disorder?Do I Suffer From Depression?I Am Wondering What Could be Wrong With Me?Personality Disorder Symptoms??Past Following me For the WorseDelusional JealousyAlcohol and ChangeSecond MarriageHow Can I Move Past This- A Question for StaffThe Marriage Corner: How Can I Move Past This?I am Only 26 Years OldI Feel Like a Complete Waste of a Human LifeBipolar Disorder and False and Displaced Memories?Is There Any Hope For Me, or am I Destined to be Damaged?Extreme BehaviorHow to Convince my Wife to Seek HelpI Just Feel So Depressed Should I Fight For My Marriage?Insecure DangerHe Says I'm Ignorant , Being a MoronPOCDParent Abuse and My Resulting Disorders?Will my Boyfriend Eventually Hit me?Is He a Narcissist?Can This Ever Change??Need AdviceDaughter In Abusive MarriageI Think My Husband Hates MeHelp!!!Will He Hit Me Eventually? My Fiance May Have a Sexual, Nude Photo AddictionIs This Abuse and What Should I Do?Please Help Me!How To Help My SonWorthlessI Want To Die!I Was Living Two Lives. Controlling Husband Who Cheated Several TimesDo I Have Bipolar Disorder?Afraid of Breaking Family ApartIs Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Curable? Delusional and Morbid Jealousy?I Don't Know Anymore. Please Help.Insane JealousyAm I In Danger?Sexual Abuse and Its Effects on Relationships AfterwardsSociopath or Sociopath-like Product of My Environment?Is She Mentally Ill?Narcissistic StepfatherWill the abuse still continue?AngerSexual issues with husbandHelpShould I Switch Therapists? Sara, Nov. 4, 2008Did I push them too much?Violent/murderous sexual fantasiesIs it my fault that I was sexually abused? Did it make me gay?I am really worried about my mental health (19yr old female)Is It Abuse? - Erin - Jun 24th, 2008My boss asked me about my sex life and im only 16.. please read!Abusive Relationshipabuse survivorI believe my husband sexually abused my daughter and is at risk for doing the same to my grandchildren. What should I do now?Why do I beat myself up over what they think?Is it my fault if my family falls apart after he cheats?Living with boyfriend - Am I dealing with one person or two?This guy I bullyCan he be changed?Münchhausen Disorder 'biproxy' (by Proxy)I get paralysed and cant do anythingHow do I keep my conduct disordered step-son from molesting my children?Rape victim who cuts and engages in BDSM to self-punish asks, 'Why am I like this?'cycle of abuse, but no apologiesFeel like I'm trappedFather is abusing and controlling my motherHow can I change my life?how to overcome sexual abuseviolent brotherSelf esteemHow to help a loved one who sees no problemHealthy sexuality not instinctual for me after abusive situationsi don't know if this is abuseafter verbal abuse19 year old daughter in abusive relationshipForgotten or just ignored?Domestic ViolenceIs this Schizophrenia?How to Deal with the Loss of Familyabout my childhood and why I am like this, but what can I do to changeDid I Love my husband and still abuse him emotionallyWhat is wrong with me?What Would This Be?A Request for HelpAdult ChildrenIs there a difference between abuse and trauma?Regret my decision every single dayHe has hit me on a few occasions ...Need to find a reason for the abuseI'm a cutter and can't remember anythingHow Does Childhood Abuse Influence Adulthood?Abusive Older SisterAbusive MotherKilling Myself In His KitchenFear Of Remembering ThingsViolent SisterAbuse Warning SignsBest Way To Deal With Verbal AbuseMy RoommateA Mean, Verbally Abusive WomanConfused While Leaving An Abusive RelationshipPossibly Molested DaughterStill SufferingAbusive FatherWhat Abuse Looks Like #2Are Battered Women Mentally Ill?Recognizing Verbal AbuseDissociates When IntimateAre Bipolars Abusive?Daughter's Violent MarriageDefinition Of Being BeatenThe Aftermath of AbuseThe Goal of TherapyHaunted College StudentToxic ParentsAbused WifeAbuse and TraumaNo Desire For Sex 1Mental AbuseLow Self-EsteemIntimacy IssuesAbusive GirlfriendEmotionally Abusive Marriage: What To Do?False PromisesAn Angry HusbandCarol-Ann writes:Laura writes:Links
The Marriage Corner: How Can I Move Past This?
How long have you been together? 8 yrs
What is your age range?40-45
Please share your story:
My Husband and I met Dec 8, 2003. He had been married twice before and I had been married once before. About a month after we met he moved himself and his 4 children in with me. We got married in August of 2005. Throughout our relationship he made online dating profiles and contacted many women on them. Each time I had caught him he told me it was my fault. He said that, if I had done this that or the other, he wouldn't have been seeking out other women. Each time I told him that this was unacceptable behavior and I wouldn't have it. Each time I stayed.
In July of 2007, after having a car accident where I broke my back, he left me so that I was homeless and in the hospital. I went to northeast to stay with some friends and my children and I started making a new.
In October of 2007, after 2 months of begging me to come back, I did. We found a house in a small town and, if he left me again, the house would be in my name and I could afford it on my own.
In November of 2007, I found out that he had been having a relationship with a woman from Ohio. He's is an OTR (Over The Road) truck driver. Once again, he claimed it was my fault. We went on for a year with nothing new happening. Once again, I was trying to get my self esteem back and learning to trust him.
In January of 2009, I found out that he had been having a relationship with his daughter-in law's sister from Georgia. Once again, he said it was my fault. Through all of this, he told our old church, his family and friends, and my friends, horrible lies about me. He said I abuse the children and him, I spend all the money, I cheat on him and etc.
In January, he says he got saved, accepted Christ into his heart and his life. I was thrilled, finally he would have a higher power to answer to. Then, the bomb dropped. October 15, 2010, 3 months after we adopted our baby, one month after we dedicated our baby, I caught my husband in his truck with his second ex-wife. This is the woman who cheated on him numerous times, who left their young children alone to go have these affairs, the woman who chose a child molester over him and her children.
That weekend, he said the affair was over. Then, I found him in the truck with her again. That was the same day I found out that my recurring ovarian cancer was back. I tried to get over it, to believe him. I think I wanted to believe him, but on November, 1, 2010, he was in the truck with her again.
This time, I kicked him out and started divorce proceedings. Through the whole time we were separated, he became insanely jealous. Every time I would leave the house, he accused me of going out with other men. I did not. To me, marriage vows are very sacred. On Nov. 29th, I found out he was seeing other women besides his ex-wife, women he had met online.
Don't ask me how or why, I don't fully understand it myself, but on Christmas day, I let him come home. Since that day, he has said that God has shown him how wrong he was in what he did to me, that I taught him unconditional love. But I can't get over it. Any of it. I will be going along fine, and suddenly have gut wrenching flashbacks.
I love him, but there are times I can't stand his voice, touch, the sight of him. I am trying to forgive and forget, but when I ask questions all I get from him is, "I don't remember." He tells me it is in the past, forget it and get over it. How do I do this? Some days, I just cry, some days, I just want to walk away. I want to know why, why did he do this to me over and over again? I know I am partly responsible, because I allowed him. I kept taking him back.
What should I do now?
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- Marriage Corner staff respond to your marriage problems questions from the perspective of training in clinical mental health and psychotherapy.
- The intent of Marriage Corner and Mentalhelp.net is to provide to provide general educational information to the readership of this website. Responses from staff and readers should not be understood as psychotherapy or specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by the Mentalhelp.net staff or to people making their submissions. No correspondence takes place.
- Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. MentalHelp.net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. This includes making any changes to your personal relationships. If you are taking medications or are in psychotherapy, do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication and do not stop psychotherapy without first consulting with your physician or psychotherapist.