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Sociopath or Sociopath-like Product of My Environment?
Hello Dr. Schwartz. My wife is leaving me because I am unable to show her the love that I say I have for her and am unable to empathize with her. That being said, I broke up with her before we got married because I didn't want to hurt her. I respected her so much and I did not believe I was capable of love. I show many characteristics of a sociopath, except that I do feel bad when I screw someone over, but I don't feel bad while doing it. I believe it is possible that I have taught myself to feel that way, along with other emotions, so I can connect with others. I also had a very traumatic childhood. I was accused of bringing a gun to school because I was an outcast like the shooters in columbine. I had stated to a large group of peers that the conditions I am put under are the main reasons why someone would kill their peers. I was also sexually abused, and was present when my mother was physically abused, and present when she attempted suicide. I have read that traumatic childhood events can cause sociopathic behavior as a defense mechanism. I hope that this is true because I want to love, and that would mean that once, a very long time ago, I could. If you search Google for the word "sociopath," you get a lot of information on how to stay away from one, and a lot of unprofessional tests to self diagnose. I have taken the tests and they all say I'm worse then Hannibal Lecter. I find nothing on how to cope with not being able to feel emotions other than sadness and emptiness and the anger I turn it into. If you have any advice, please give it. I would greatly appreciate it. - Matthew
P.S.: I do have a therapist, but he is on vacation. I just happened to stumble upon this myself while he is gone, and I feel lost. Thank You.
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